I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
