Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
