im about as happy as oj after his trial
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Randomize
