I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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