Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
