How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
