i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
