Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
