I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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