I cockslap morals
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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