dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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