You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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