if you like me you must not know who I am
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
