Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
