what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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