He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
