she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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