Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
