Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
