im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
you didnt know i had herpes?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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