I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
don't judge my taste in strippers
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
