remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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