No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
