I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
