Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
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