I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
