He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
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