4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
