youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Randomize
