i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
