you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
