I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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