there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
my liver is dry heaving
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
