Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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