I got chris browned last night
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
