i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
