Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
