i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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