This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
True but thats because hes a fetus.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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