What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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