he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
