Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
