I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
