You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
