her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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