Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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