Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Randomize
