I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
