from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Still dying that you shit outside
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Randomize
