After last night, I could never be a politician.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
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