Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
