she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
