I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
