dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
