yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
