I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Randomize
