Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
